Dear Addi

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Weakness or Strength?

Josh Duggar Story

Is "Staying" a sign of weakness?  This Josh Duggar scandal is driving me crazy.  When I read the stories, I scroll down to the comments and am reminded why I should never view the comments.  Every one of them is either calling Josh a "deviant" or calling his wife the "uneducated, submissive wife that has to stay because she has no other options."  When I read these comments encouraging Anna to leave Josh immediately and that she would be a fool to stay with him, I get so triggered!  I have immense compassion for Anna because my story is now hers.  Every discovery about her husband's on line accounts and recurring affairs is my story exactly.  Affairs, fake identities, meaningless hook is all a sign of the horrible disease that is sex addiction.  I've seen it all, felt it all and I have chosen to forgive it all and save my marriage.

Does that make me weak?  Does that make me submissive?  Does that mean that I am an uneducated simpleton that can't make it on my own without my husband's income?  I say no and I am guessing that most of my fellow WOPA bloggers would agree.  I would guess that the majority of us (whether it be porn addiction or sex addiction) have chosen to stay and try and work things out.  Granted, not all of it is in our control.  Many husbands aren't willing to do the hard work of recovery and choose their addiction over their family and if that is what Josh chooses, then yes, Anna...get out. But if Josh is willing to repent and do the hard work of both recovery and helping Anna heal, then she is not weak for staying.  She is powerful.

I am trying to remember that today.

1 comment:

  1. I, like you, chose to stay. My husband has chosen recovery. Just yesterday I heard a woman say "I'd leave him so fast!" When a woman chooses to stay, she chooses to forgive. Forgiveness is NOT the easy way. Choosing to stay is choosing to see the reminders of betrayal every single day, but overcoming the "triggers" and moving on. I understand how you feel. I understand your "triggers." I understand.