Dear Addi

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Dear 'Addi', Step 7 in Helping Wives Heal - Make New Memories!

It has been  several months, but my husband has finally found time to sit back down and answer some questions again. His next  2 posts will be to finish up the series he has written called 'How can I help My wife heal?'.

In the next few days he will be returning to answering questions submitted to him about Pornography addiction from his perspective as an addict in recovery. His first post will be titled, 'The anatomy of a slip'. In this post he has dug deep into the process of a slip to better understand the stages an addicts mind goes through as he progresses from firm to faltering. 

Please feel free to send him your questions, read the answers to previous questions, or to add your own 2 cents to his. 

Here is the newest post. 


Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Halloween Haunts

So, two years ago, my husband's future mistress showed up at our home for trick or treating, not knowing that he lived there.  Since they had only exchanged pictures and messages on line, the two of them were shocked to see each other face to face that night.  (I of course was oblivious).  The physical affair started the next day.  Now that I know this, Halloween has for the last 2 years been a huge trigger.

This year, I woke up in the morning with a huge knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest.  I wanted to blame it all on the Halloween candy that I had been gorging on all day but I knew it wasn't that.  These anniversaries are so hard sometimes. This year, I went to our adult session of Stake Conference at night (they held it early so that parents could get home to trick or treat with their kids) and my husband left extra early to get our house ready.

When I came home from the Conference,  Jason was visibly shaken.  I just KNEW that she had stopped by our house.  She always trick or treats in our neighborhood with her children but last year, she stayed clear of our home.  (We think...we saw her kids, just not her)  She must be feeling extra bold this year as she and her kids were one of the first to stop by our house.  Jason said he walked outside to check on the candy and there she was, in the clear daylight, standing in front of our house.  He was so angry.  Sure, she has a right to trick or treat anywhere she wants, but common sense and a sense of courtesy say you don't make your first stop your affair partner's home as he is trying to put his family and marriage back together.

To his credit, Jason grabbed the younger kids and bolted down the driveway in the opposite direction to go trick or treating.  Though they saw each other, no words were exchanged and he later told me that he felt "repulsed" when he saw her.  I know that is a harsh way to talk about a daughter of God, but it made me glad.  To relieve some of the tension, we grabbed our little ones, grabbed each other's hand and marched back out into the neighborhood to finish the trick or treating.  If she was going to see him again, she was going to see him hand in hand with me!

This whole incident was a very bizarre beginning to this, the 2nd anniversary of the worst 2 months of my life.  How fitting that on the day of the 2 year anniversary, she shows her face.   Is this indicative of what the next 2 months will be like?  I know we are gearing up for the big finish (though not really a finish)...the 2 year conclusion of his excommunication and loss of priesthood/temple blessings and I just hope that as Satan throws more fiery darts our way, that we don't get derailed.  Here's to the added strength that I pray we are both getting from Heaven!