Dear Addi

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Major personal update

Hello friends,

I just wanted to take a moment to share a personal update for my wife and I. We are so thrilled to report that after 3 years of begging, pleading, and convincing, our area will finally be starting a pornography addiction recovery group. Our first class starts in just 2 weeks.

As I began my personal confession process almost 3 years ago, I knew based on my habits and hungers that seemed to be on auto pilot, that I was not going to be able to beat my addiction with out help. We went to the LDS church addiction recovery website and searched for a class nearby. Unfortunately the closest group to us was an hours drive away. We committed to making the drive every week. At the same time, we asked the stake what the chances are that we could have our own class. After all we lived in a tri stake area and there was nothing for pornography addicts at all.

The request was accepted and agreed with, but with the bureaucratic process being what it is, it either got sidelined or back burnered  for any number of reasons. We never stopped asking though. At least 3 or 4 times a year (probably more) we would suggest again and again the importance and need for the class. Our good stake president wanted to make it happen but was battling some oposing forces from other local stakes.

We never gave up. We continued to drive an hour north every weeks for 3 years time. We, with the bishops permission, started our own little group within our ward for brothers that were struggling but unable to make the weekly drive. With a group of about 4 to 6 brethren, we were able to work the steps and find healing together.

Approaching the 3 year mark of my initial confession, We continued to plead for a local group. Finally the 3 stake presidents were able to agree on the need for the group and informed us that we would be starting one in just a few short weeks.

Be careful what you wish for! Our stake president was only to happy to tell us that not only would we have our own group, but that he would like my wife and I to be the group leaders!.. Honestly not what we were looking to do, but thrilled none the less.

The Moral? Never give up!. Our leaders know this is needed. If you don't have a pornography specific group in your area... then ask... and keep asking. Part of the reason so many areas don't have groups is because the leaders don't know how badly it's needed.

We simply kept sharing the stats and encouraging the stake president to ask his Bishops how many brothers they knew of in their wards that were struggling. The numbers make a very compelling argument.

Here are a few of the stats we shared and a link to many more if your interested.

- 64% of Christian men look at pornography at least once a month. (source: statistics).
- there is no evidence to suggest that the numbers are lower inside the mormon church. (Source: rowboats and marbles)
- in fact it seems to go against it. If your a fundamentalist Christian (like a mormon) you are 91% more likely to have a pornography addiction.. (source: statistics).
- in Salt Lake Valley the ratio of general addiction to pornography addiction groups is nearly 1 to 1. The church recognizes this is needed. (Lds addiction recover Web site, find a group near you)

For some quick stats go here...

To download the complete statistical report (its big, and very detailed) go here.

Good luck on your quest to get a group started in your area.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Dear Addi Post, 'Should I Confess?'

Addi has a new post ready. A good young return missionary is struggling with confessions questions. Addi gives his 2 cents on how the young man should aproach confession. Find the newest post here.

Dear Addi, Should I confess?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Equal Priesthood time!

(His story)

I just posted step 8 in "How do I help my wife Heal."  It's called...Make sure she gets time with her priesthood leaders too!  You can find it here:

I have written it from the perspective of me...the husband, trying to help his wife heal.  This can also apply if the roles are reversed.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Dear 'Addi', Step 7 in Helping Wives Heal - Make New Memories!

It has been  several months, but my husband has finally found time to sit back down and answer some questions again. His next  2 posts will be to finish up the series he has written called 'How can I help My wife heal?'.

In the next few days he will be returning to answering questions submitted to him about Pornography addiction from his perspective as an addict in recovery. His first post will be titled, 'The anatomy of a slip'. In this post he has dug deep into the process of a slip to better understand the stages an addicts mind goes through as he progresses from firm to faltering. 

Please feel free to send him your questions, read the answers to previous questions, or to add your own 2 cents to his. 

Here is the newest post. 

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Halloween Haunts

So, two years ago, my husband's future mistress showed up at our home for trick or treating, not knowing that he lived there.  Since they had only exchanged pictures and messages on line, the two of them were shocked to see each other face to face that night.  (I of course was oblivious).  The physical affair started the next day.  Now that I know this, Halloween has for the last 2 years been a huge trigger.

This year, I woke up in the morning with a huge knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest.  I wanted to blame it all on the Halloween candy that I had been gorging on all day but I knew it wasn't that.  These anniversaries are so hard sometimes. This year, I went to our adult session of Stake Conference at night (they held it early so that parents could get home to trick or treat with their kids) and my husband left extra early to get our house ready.

When I came home from the Conference,  Jason was visibly shaken.  I just KNEW that she had stopped by our house.  She always trick or treats in our neighborhood with her children but last year, she stayed clear of our home.  (We think...we saw her kids, just not her)  She must be feeling extra bold this year as she and her kids were one of the first to stop by our house.  Jason said he walked outside to check on the candy and there she was, in the clear daylight, standing in front of our house.  He was so angry.  Sure, she has a right to trick or treat anywhere she wants, but common sense and a sense of courtesy say you don't make your first stop your affair partner's home as he is trying to put his family and marriage back together.

To his credit, Jason grabbed the younger kids and bolted down the driveway in the opposite direction to go trick or treating.  Though they saw each other, no words were exchanged and he later told me that he felt "repulsed" when he saw her.  I know that is a harsh way to talk about a daughter of God, but it made me glad.  To relieve some of the tension, we grabbed our little ones, grabbed each other's hand and marched back out into the neighborhood to finish the trick or treating.  If she was going to see him again, she was going to see him hand in hand with me!

This whole incident was a very bizarre beginning to this, the 2nd anniversary of the worst 2 months of my life.  How fitting that on the day of the 2 year anniversary, she shows her face.   Is this indicative of what the next 2 months will be like?  I know we are gearing up for the big finish (though not really a finish)...the 2 year conclusion of his excommunication and loss of priesthood/temple blessings and I just hope that as Satan throws more fiery darts our way, that we don't get derailed.  Here's to the added strength that I pray we are both getting from Heaven!