Dear Addi

Saturday, February 7, 2015


I have been so excited to write this post.  It has been a year and change in the making...the hardest, most horrific year of my life...but it came!  My husband was re-baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at 2:30 this afternoon.  He can now take the sacrament.  He can now sustain church leaders and pray when asked.  Most importantly, he now has the gift of the Holy Ghost again.

It has been a hard fought victory and the battle lasted right up until baptism time.  Even last night, the adversary was planting these thoughts in our heads:

"What if he is baptized and then falls heavily back into addiction?"
"What if he is still keeping secrets from you?"
"Was a one year excommunication enough?  Did his actions and sins require more time?"
"He may have been baptized but you will never be able to fully trust him again."
"This is not a big moment, this is an embarrassing moment that should never have had to happen in the first place."

...and so on, and so on.  I really hate the adversary.  There was a palpable gloom that settled over us last night.  We both felt it but we both recognized it for what it was: a last ditch effort to either prevent this vital ordinance or to dampen it with doubts.

In then end, it was a wonderful day.  It was very small...just the members of the Stake Presidency, their wives, our bishop and 5 members of our 12 step group.  (4 of them drove an hour south to be here with us.)  Our sixteen year old daughter gave a talk on the Atonement that left me weeping.  We were so glad to have included our three oldest girls in this year's trials and triumphs.  I think they are better for it.  Actually, I KNOW they are better for it.  They will never forget this day.

Yes, I still worry.  I know the battle is NOT over.  We have another temptation filled year to wait before he can return to the temple, reclaim his sealing to our family and regain his Priesthood.  In the confirmation blessing, the Stake President warned my husband that the adversary still desperately wants to "claim" him and he was advised to be ever on guard and aware of the weaknesses still present that the adversary may exploit.

Despite the worry, I have great hope.  He will soon get a calling.  No, it won't be as a member of the Stake Presidency  (he'll probably never serve there again) but no matter how small the calling, I know he will be grateful to magnify it.  I also have more confidence now as my husband once again has the gift of the Holy Ghost and is worthy of it.  Hopefully, he will remain worthy of the warnings that the Spirit will undoubtedly send when danger/temptation is near.

It's been a great day.  I am so grateful that we made the decision to stick this out.  (I know that not everyone can make that choice and that's okay.)  I know that we have rocky times ahead of us.  My healing is not done yet.  His sins may be forgotten but the damage those sins have done is not yet gone.  We have much work yet to do but we are one step closer to our eternal family and for that, I am so thankful.

1 comment:

  1. What a wonderful day!!! Satan always gives us the despairing, heart-numbing "what if" questions. But Im so glad it was a day of healing and joy. Yay for your-and his-success. Because that is exactly what it is--a success story. We need more of them.