tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post8812731485266300726..comments2023-12-19T02:39:41.004-08:00Comments on A Battle Worth Winning: Playing in the dirtDear Addihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17720496772113181690noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-71686344996004331952015-02-27T12:48:31.523-08:002015-02-27T12:48:31.523-08:00Feeling with you, girl. You're not alone!Feeling with you, girl. You're not alone!Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14462530603685612367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-33108799408307706962014-12-09T08:11:21.856-08:002014-12-09T08:11:21.856-08:00Oh my heavens. YES. Been there. Done that. Oh my heavens. YES. Been there. Done that. annegirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09450772648526256051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-9173188696710333042014-05-01T09:43:32.580-07:002014-05-01T09:43:32.580-07:00Oh, lady. I can't even read a lot of your husb...Oh, lady. I can't even read a lot of your husband's contributions, because all I can feel is the breaking of your heart, because MINE is breaking for you. I hate this stupid addiction. I hate it with a fiery passion, and it's just like you described. It's a perfect tool for Satan-- he gets the man with the addiction, and gets the wife with all of the pain from the addiction. Of course you looked at the sites! How are you supposed to know what you're up against otherwise? Yeah, it sucks now, because those images are in your head and your brain is trying to figure out what to do with them, but at the time? You made the best decision with the information you had. And right now, you're getting a lot of information and you're in the throes of trauma, trying to navigate everything with half of your brain (and probably a lot of your heart) shut down to protect yourself from feeling all of the intense pain at once. <br /><br />Your story is painful. Awful. Ugly and raw and all of the things that no one should have to experience in a marriage, in a commitment to love and honor one another for eternity. Your story is also not the only one like this, and I want you to know that there is an entire sisterhood out there of women who love you, support you, and who can say, "Hey. Me too." All the body image crap? Me too. Triggered by anything sexual? Hey. Me too. Feeling totally worthless and devalued and like everything in this world is just a lie? Me too. <br /><br />There is healing. And there are others who are willing to help pull you up out of the hole that this stupid friggin addiction throws us in. <br /><br />Feel free to email me. Only love to you.<br />amommyous@gmail.comAmommyoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00470654647798070787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-52492400259928845982014-04-15T21:56:38.588-07:002014-04-15T21:56:38.588-07:00I don't mean to be harsh, but at just three mo...I don't mean to be harsh, but at just three months in you're still probably in shock or denial. It's a long, long road. Most professionals say it's 18-24 months of recovery for you as a couple assuming no relapses. Don't rush yourself. It will only come back up later if you do.<br /><br />We read a number of good books to find some sense of direction - After the Affair, Not Just Friends, Surviving An Affair. And still six months later we were still both raw and closer than ever to separation. We recently attended EMS in Austin with Affair Recovery, which was a life-altering experience. They also offer an online version. We feel some sense of hope after the weekend but know we still have so far to go.Benhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05354654156613415901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-59240538685706820222014-04-15T20:38:36.775-07:002014-04-15T20:38:36.775-07:00I have not felt the same pull that you have, but l...I have not felt the same pull that you have, but lots of thought and self-evaluation have led me to notice "addictions" of my own. My biggest one is anger. I came from a family that yelled and was angry a lot. Not in an abusive way, we're just a passionate, opinionated, like-to-be-right kind of group. I have had reasons to be mad at my husband, but then suddenly I'm furious at his ex-wife or his son who lives with us. I realized my anger can be like a heat-seeking missile searching out it's next victim. I rarely express my anger, but it can consume me and rob me of peace and sleep. I think finding our own default behaviors can help us understand our loves ones more and have more empathy and understanding. <br />All the best,<br />Patience<br />http://patienceofhope.blogspot.com/PatienceOfHopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17306910643578163340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3633078855837418943.post-4377327562169048312014-04-15T20:09:37.899-07:002014-04-15T20:09:37.899-07:00I have been enjoying your blog and wanted to offer...I have been enjoying your blog and wanted to offer some words of advice. I too felt a similar tug. It almost seemed to consume me. My first experience with it was when we installed a filter (we use open DNS) I searched for HOURS (or so it seemed) to find porn. I searched on FB, the web. I was searching on how to search for it. All because I wanted to feel safe. I thought somehow by making sure he couldn't access it I would feel better. But as it turns out it left me feeling yucky and miserable. <br /><br />In therapy (lifestar) we learned about setting a bottom line for ourselves. An action that was our very bottom line of unacceptable behavior. I decided that this was my bottom line. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't search for it, I wouldn't click on something because I thought it might be porn. I just wouldn't do it. It made me feel so safe to give myself a boundary. Even now a year later occasionally I feel that same pull of wanting to search it out just to know where it is and what it is, so it won't surprise me later. But then that reminder jumps into my head "this is your bottom line, you promised yourself you wouldn't do it" It has helped immensely. It is easy to get off the computer and move on with my life.<br /><br />Also I have told my husband several times that I understand some of the feelings that he experiences while watching porn. Those feelings are part of who we are. So I can understand where you are coming from.<br /><br />I am glad that you and your husband seem to be doing so well!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com